Progress

I have been getting a lot off my chest for the past few weeks and I'm learning that just the simple act of speaking to someone who listens, getting quality, concise feedback from them, has an incredible effect on my day.

I feel like I'm slowly getting back to the chipper person I once was (the person who genuinely was chipper, without faking it)!

The toughest things I've had to learn so far are that I have to accept that I can't do it all (a chronic mommy problem, but also a chronic "Brittany" problem). I keep these expectations of myself, trying to meet them with every challenge. When life throws a curveball, even with something as simple as someone catching me off-guard and speaking of me in a negative way, I crumble. I sit and wonder why they don't like me, what I did wrong, how I am not currently measuring up. It's frustrating that I'm 26 and still let people define me, but I plan on stopping that soon.

I imagine that may strike a chord with people reading this who may feel much like I do ;)

So of course my journey is only starting. Hopefully I'll have some strong personal truths that I can fall back on when I encounter the obstacles of the relationships I cling to that are more harmful than helpful. And of course, if I learn anything universal, I'll share it with you.

Sincerely,
Britt

Liebster!

It turns out, my friend Sarah over at Little Lake Design Studio, has nominated me for a Liebster Award!

Here are my answers to the following questions:

1. What is your favorite part about blogging? 

I love thinking that I can connect with other people on a daily basis, and impact their lives in a positive way.

2. What is your favorite place to buy clothes (for yourself)? 

This is a good one! I think I'll have to go with LOFT. They always have some sort of sale on top of a sale, which has me leave happy every time.

3. What is your dream job? 

I have changed my mind often, but it always has come back to nursing. 

Science wins me over every time!

4. What is your most visited category on Pinterest? 

That would have to be my "For the House" board- or home decorating. My favorite is simply inspiration for any and all rooms in the house.

5. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live? 

I'm tempted to say southern France. Wine! 

6. What is your favorite snack? 

Potato chips. My achilles heel. 

7. Have you crafted recently? If so, what did you make? 

Yes! I took Annie Sloan Chalk Paint in Old White and painted an old end table for the living room that I had found in a flea market. I distressed it and gave it a shabby look since we have a toddler, and the living room is often unkempt!

8. What do you consider your best quality? 

My ability to listen to others. I'm a good listener, and I don't interrupt ;)

9. What do you find most challenging about blogging? 

Finding that line where being authentic doesn't go too far into sharing too much. 

... and photography! But I'm working on it!

10. Who is your hero in life, and why? 

My mom, because of her crazy strong work ethic, and her intense love for me, my brother, my baby, and my husband. She's literally been through hell and back with three types of cancer, and she still will rise and grind. 

I know she believes in me and is proud of me, and she's all I could ever want in a hero.

*I'm working on finding bloggers with less than 200 followers so I can name them, link them, and provide them with 10 new questions! 

Conscious Rest Meditation

Hey Guys! As I said, I'm going to provide the instructions given to me by the Mind Body Clinic on campus that have been getting me through some anxious parts of my day(s).

I'll describe it in a series of steps and then try to discuss what I've learned.

1. Take about 30 seconds to get into a comfortable, seated position (not lying down).
2. Once comfortable, close your eyes, and begin inhaling through your nose, focusing on expanding your diaphragm, not your lungs. Let your stomach expand, and then exhale that air through your mouth. Do this 3 times.
3. On the third breath, imagine breathing in love for yourself- all the love you can possibly breathe into your body. Let it flow through your nose, down to your lungs, into your stomach, and throughout your arms, legs, and extremities.
4. Before exhaling, give a name to what you'd like to release. At any given time, that's usually "fear of letting people down" or "fear of being a bad mother" or "fear of failure" for me. You can start with this, or yours could be something like anxiety, worry, doubt, or even the exam you're about to take. Once you choose that name for what you want to release, exhale with a really big sigh. I tried to just exhale with a big breath and the counselor made me do it again because she said it wasn't strong enough. So think big, exaggerated sigh.
5. Then, you'll want to choose a sound to focus on, particularly one that has vibration. "Zring" is the word I was told to use, but "Om" could work just as well. The vibration of the sound is what will enable you to relax. I originally thought I needed to pick a word, not sound, to use. I was corrected with this because choosing a word to focus on, or a phrase, can actually encourage more thinking. This isn't the ultimate goal of conscious rest meditation.
6. Continue letting that sound fade to the background as you sit in silence, eyes closed. Try to do this for twenty minutes, twice a day. But keep in mind, any meditation is better than no meditation.

One of the most annoying things about meditation are the thoughts that pop up when you're trying to clear your mind. It's also a common misconception about meditation.

Think about what you're ultimately doing for yourself: you're blocking out external cues, like the tv, cell phone, Facebook, daylight, clocks, paperwork... you name it. You're releasing those images, and then you're actively, mindfully breathing until you get more relaxed. Once you get to step 5, you're simply sitting alone, in as much silence as your surroundings provide, and you're just trying to rest. Thoughts will come and go. The best thing you can do is to allow them to do so, and then come back to the sound. Eventually, those thoughts start to fade, or they may get fuzzy. They also may completely disappear. You may have a moment of nothingness, where you even lose track of where you are, what time it is, or what exactly you're doing. This can occur, but you shouldn't set this as your destination. The reason I say that, is because what you do in steps 1-6 is incredibly beneficial, and just as rewarding as getting to that state of nothingness.

Upon waking from your rest, you should feel a little more energized, light, and calm.

I hope you'll check out what I've learned and tried to share with you!

Mind/Body

I feel like I can be pretty open about some struggles on here, without going so far that I'm no longer helping others or myself.

With that, I'd like to share my week in review.

Before my school semester starts, I have made a conscious decision to go to counseling to get as much out of the programs my school has to offer as I can. I'll call it a preemptive strike on stress.

I've been dealing with stress, anxiety, and bouts of depression for a long time now. After I had my daughter, I took a job that I thought would be great support for my family. My husband was deployed, I was alone with a newborn, and I couldn't resist the temptation to challenge myself in a new role. Looking back, sometimes I wish I hadn't. Although I learned some really valuable lessons, I feel I set myself up to deal with more anxiety and more depression in the following months, postpartum. I went to the doctor after about 6 months, who wrote me a prescription for an antidepressant. I chose instead to be harder on myself and exercise, eat better, and get acupuncture. Those helped in the short-term, but work and mommy hood still posed lots of challenges that I didn't cope with well. Fast forward to now, where I feel Justin and I have made some tough (albeit fantastic) changes on behalf of bettering our future as a family. Yet, because I have not equipped myself with the tools to cope with so many changes, I have even more of a struggle with anxiety and depression.

This doesn't mean I'm not able to be happy. It doesn't mean I can't reach goals, acclimate to a new job, or perform well. It just means during the day, I may have a hard time breathing. It means that at the end of the day, I may feel lonely in the midst of a love and support from my husband. It means that in spite of any good I can do right now, I can still manage to feel the world caving in on me. And up until now, all it's meant for me is setting more goals, blaming myself for things that go wrong, and feeling unworthy of love because I feel so incapable of giving it back.

Thankfully, my college tuition and fees cover counseling services, and a Mind Body Clinic that's available all the time, for an unlimited amount of visits! So I've taken my broke college student/part-time working parent status to campus and I've used my resources just before the semester even begins.

And what I've begun to learn, with an immediate effect, is meditation. Specifically, it's called "Conscious Rest Meditation." Aside from sitting in the chair at the onset, crying and talking about my family struggles, Ms. W (as I'll leave her named) heard me, comforted me, and guided me to relax. Within 24 hours, my coworkers asked me what I'd been doing, because I was so "chipper"! I felt safe telling them about my journey with the Mind Body Clinic, since they'd previously been open about their struggles with anxiety. I couldn't believe it. I thought perhaps I was just having a good day, and that it really wasn't the meditation. I felt kind of like a fraud for saying that it was without talking to Ms. W about it again, just to be sure. I was in denial that they really noticed anything!

Thankfully, I've learned time after time this week, that meditation has an immediate effect on my well-being.

Tomorrow, I'm going to post the very simple instructions for how I have been taught to meditate, and I hope you'll find them helpful in any situation you face.

Until soon.

Courage

My personal favorite definition of courage is this: 

Brené Brown has taught me that living vulnerably is courageous. Living authentically, with a heightened awareness of yourself, and embracing your feelings, both good and bad, is courageous. Not being afraid to be misunderstood, going forth with purpose, knowing that I have been brought into this world because I have something to offer it, is courageous. 

Do you feel misunderstood? Do you feel scared to tell your truth because sharing your pain could possibly hurt others? Do you feel like you can't post the hard stuff because it's too open to scrutiny? 

Here's my vulnerable statement today: 

I've blamed myself for everything that ever happens in my relationships, and it has gotten me nowhere. I feel a certain conviction that I must find my responsibility in every situation, because it's an opportunity to empower myself to change that circumstance. 

What I'm learning, is that this is great for recognizing that you were the reason you got fired from your job, (not because your boss just hates you, or the Universe is cruel, etc.) but this is not great when you get into the dynamics of your relationships.  

When people don't like me or don't find that I add value to their lives, I think it's really important to reach out to the people who understand, who know me and love me, and want the best for me. It's not self-centered (like I often feel I am, because that's how I can make sense of it), it's simply to survive. If you don't have people who know you, and who love you for all that you are, you won't get very far. 

If you've ever felt that way, please create a net of people to help catch you when you take on the burden of blaming yourself. Let them reinforce the goodness they see in you. And when you feel bad four hours later, reach out to them again. Do this until you love yourself and have your own affirmations.

If you're in a place where you can't be there for others, because you need to work on yourself, just know you don't have to feel guilty about that.

You are a good person. You are already forgiven. You add value to people's lives. 

You are worthy of love. 

Full Nursery View

Hey Everyone! 

I wanted to share Ali's whole nursery, now that I feel it's as complete as it'll get (yes, as she reaches 1 1/2 years of age!). I found lots of inspiration with fabrics at Hawthorne Threads, and from there, I felt that the rest of the room was just a lot of browsing, budgeting, and simply trying to get the most bang out of my buck. 

Before I continue, here are a few photos of her room!

The dresser was a second hand purchase from a friend, and was originally for a boy's room. It was a mahogany color, and had different hardware. The tree is a decal from Target, the letters a baby shower gift, and the chevron basket from Tuesday Morning. The window valance was a project I did with fabric from Hawthorne Threads and supplies from Lowe's.

The crib was from the same set as the dresser, and I used Annie Sloan Chalk Paint in Old White to get this shabby chic look. I still had enough paint left over to paint a side table in the living room!

I just wanted to show the doggy hooks I got from Ikea- I hang her towels and/or back packs on them!

And finally, this was my most recent project, which you can find in the post below!

During my pregnancy, when I lived alone, I was able to really have fun with taking my time in stores, shopping for great deals, and scanning the internet for inspiration. There were drawbacks to a few decisions I made, but I wouldn't change them. 

For instance, the crib was missing a piece that had to be fashioned in order to set the mattress on top of the frame. It wasn't completed before Ali turned 6 months, so of course, I felt like a really bad mom for not even really using her nursery in the beginning. 

The canvas book holders, frame, and shelves were done almost 2 weeks ago. That's quite a ways into Ali's life to still be completing her room. I don't know how mommies get nurseries done so efficiently! Between working, pregnancy, living alone, and then being a single parent for the first 7 months, I really didn't hold a stick to some of the beautiful rooms I see on other blogs. But that's ok :) Ali's room is complete and it feels nice to have it done! 

The tips for Annie Sloan Chalk Paint are no different than the previous post! I simply distressed the furniture more, because I felt like a teething baby would do it sooner or later ;) 

If you have any questions about my projects, I'm happy to share what I've learned! 

Nursery Project

Having Ali come into this world awakened a very fun side of me that I feel had been a little dormant. It all had to do with decorating her room! I worked at trying to create her room on a budget, getting used items and finding ways to give them new life. I have several projects I'll share through separate posts. My first, are these Ikea Hack bookshelves!

I found these spice racks at Ikea for around $3 a piece. I grabbed some Annie Sloan chalk paint, which I diligently picked out to match the tiny hints of yellow in her fabrics, and I went to town!

Annie Sloan Chalk Paint allows for painting on almost any surface, with very little preparation. As you can see, I purchased a small sample, as this paint also seems to go very far. I still have leftover paint that I can use for another couple of shelves if I want to.

All you need is your basic paint brush (no need for an angled brush, I just had that one on hand), a surface to paint on, and the clear wax that I don't have pictured.

Here are my steps: 

1. Wipe down any residue/dust from your shelves. 

2. Paint separate pieces prior to assembly. 

3. After a ridiculously short period of time in waiting for it to dry, use directions to assemble the shelves. 

4. If there are any inconsistencies on the surface, you can sand with 100 grit sand paper to smooth

it out. Make sure you blow off all residue.

5. Take a cheap, clean brush or an old t-shirt and dip into the clear wax. Apply liberally and rub into the dried paint surface. This will create a sheen on the surface that will serve to seal the paint and protect it from wear. 

6. After 24 hours of curing, the shelves will be ready to hang! 

I hope you've enjoyed this project :)