Self-Care Begets More Self-Care

I think we've all seen enough memes lately that have helped us generate a new definition of self-care. Hint: It's not about spa days or face masks.

But one thing that I haven't seen floating around is the relentless compassion for ourselves that we must practice in order to survive this emotionally-draining, exhaustive work, as we take responsibility for our lives.

... I'm not talking about going to work and paying bills on time. That's another kind of tired. I'm talking about facing the stuff that's been holding us back from becoming our most aware, unencumbered, and ever-healing selves.

Collectively, it's becoming more apparent that people are open to the idea that they may be living their lives based upon conditioning from their families, and their families, and their families, and so on. That's incredible! It's the first step: notice it all and begin to ask the questions. This is the gateway to understanding who you are and how you got this way.

While this work will undoubtedly become more interesting, it will also command a better version of yourself. That better version doesn't ignore triggers, uncomfortable conversations, or confronting decisions. Because once you know better, you do better. Or I always say, "Once I saw it, I couldn't unsee it."

You'll now have to answer the call to do something about it. You'll find that it's far more painful to continue the life you're living, because you're simply too aware of how it's no longer serving you. Staying the same rarely remains an option.

And as you reflect on all the things that must be questioned about your life and how you got here, one aspect of your healing comes in the form of confronting your past. Whether it's accepting behaviors you had before now, traumas you've experienced through singular events or conditioning, or understanding that some parts of your life just aren't working for you- no matter the task, it will take this internal confrontation. It'll involve discomfort. It will likely even reveal you've been side-stepping your pain with coping mechanisms that have long-deceived you into thinking you don't have to experience the teaching that only pain can provide.

The steps you take to consciously participate in designing a life that is most authentic to you will be some of the hardest steps you ever take. That is self-care, in its truest form.

But it's exhausting.

We have to parent ourselves and make decisions we don't want to make. We have to have the uncomfortable conversations with people close to us. We have to take our triggers and look inward, and accept the role we played in unknowingly creating our own painful experiences.

And when we do all this work, it's imperative that we practice compassion. Because owning up to pain we may have inflicted upon others is hard to do. Because telling someone they've hurt us or that they've made us feel unvalued/unimportant/unworthy, is hard to do. Because when you set a boundary with someone you're close to and they react unfavorably (which they will, if you've had a relationship without boundaries up until this point), you'll find that it's incredibly hard to do. But that's okay. You're doing hard things. You deserve to acknowledge the exhausting work it takes when you assume responsibility for a more conscious life.

My suggestion to you- if you're finding yourself wanting to cry/sleep/scream/drink/escape from the incredible effort you've given to healing- is to find ways to insert a little comfort in your days:

1. Take a moment to be grateful for a few things each day. Write them down. Be as specific as you can, if you can. 
2. Tell someone how exhausted you are. Get it off your chest. Let them validate the work you've put in and tell you that you're kicking ass. 
3. Journal about your feelings. Emotions start in the body. It's what we do with them to move them through the body that matters- spoken words or written words are the best way to actually process emotions. 
4. Find a tiny bit of movement in your day. Stretch. Walk. Pop out 10 jumping jacks, 10 squats, 10 sit-ups, and 10 push-ups during a commercial break. 
5. Wash your face and brush your teeth. (I say this for myself, too. I've had days where I've felt too tired to do basic tasks until I'm required to do them). 
6. Hug someone. 
7. Cuddle with an animal. 
8. Listen to some music, or your favorite podcast. 
9. Read a few pages of that book you've been keeping on your nightstand. 
10. Make a "To-Did" List. You know, a list of all the things you did in a day, so you're not so hard on yourself for all the things you didn't do. Put silly things on there like:

• Make 1st cup of coffee
• Floss
• Brush teeth
• Eat breakfast
• Tell my kids I love them

... because the little things you do are also significant. And you deserve to see how much you actually do on a daily basis. 

How do you create a little more cushion in your life? How are you taking care of yourself while you take care of yourself?