It's taken me a bit to think about sharing this with the world. Why would I feel I need to share that I've been prescribed Prozac, and why have I elected to take it? It's actually those two questions that validate this post. Maybe someone out there can visit this post and see my perspective.
As I've shared before, I started going to the counseling center at school. I was screened and then assigned to a counselor, and also had the Mind Body Clinic recommended to me for stress management.
Long story short, my feelings and attempts at managing stress and depression were decent, but I still struggled at the end of every day. So, the recommendation came for Prozac. I decided to give it a shot, to see if perhaps I'd find some relief, and boy I really am so thankful I did.
One of the major lessons I've learned this month is that I didn't quite know how much stress I was feeling until I didn't feel it anymore. It was like I became someone who had more control of her feelings. I didn't spend my entire day in a reactive state, wondering what blow I was going to feel next and how I was supposed to move on from it. I didn't take every conversation personally and painfully. I didn't look at my future, dreading the obstacles ahead. I didn't beat myself up over the house, the car, parenting, cooking, dieting, and working out. I found some peace, and my goodness, I don't know the last time I've felt like this.
The reason I wanted to share my perspective is because I spent the better part of a year seeking out as many holistic treatments as possible. I worked out, ate a plant-strong diet, got acupuncture, shared really big secrets with my friends with the hope of releasing my stress by sharing my fears. I left my job because I saw what I was becoming. I used essential oils for stress management, cleaning, boosting energy, and so much more. I tried herbal teas and tinctures. I tried meditation and yoga. I prayed (and still do). I would read scriptures and online sources for self-improvement. I avoided alcohol for the most part, and only enjoyed a glass of wine or beer, maybe once a week or less. I focused on trying to love myself and forgive myself for all the goals I haven't yet reached.
I'm sure there's more I can't even think of. The point that I'm trying to make is that I came to this decision with not only a set of thorough screenings with my therapist and psychiatrist, but I also came to it at the end of a very long road of trying to deal with my anxiety and depression in the most holistic ways I could. I know many friends who have had similar feelings as myself and they, too, try alternative routes before conventional Western medicine. I know it has a bad rap. It's sometimes still tough to talk about. I cringe at the idea of opening up about depression and the first response is, "Oh goodness, did you ever want to hurt your baby?" The answer is, "No, no I never wanted to hurt my baby. I just simply didn't want to live life at times." It's so hard to talk about that, knowing there's so much judgement. But I know that a lot of people judge because they fear it. It's scary to talk about depression and the horrible thoughts that accompany it. I know how difficult it is to see someone smile and wonder how they could be depressed- after all, they are able to get out of bed and work, and get through their day. Depression has some very subjective aspects to it. It doesn't always look the same across individuals, families, and cultures.
But I'm here to say that the year I spent trying to really work on myself and seek the most healthy treatments was a painful one. I can't get my time back, or shorten the distance I created in my relationships. I can only be thankful that I feel better today and that it's not going to continue to be a struggle. Anti-depressants brought me back to myself and I'm forever changed on my stance because of my personal experience. I only wish I had tried it sooner.
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| Just to make a funny :) |
