8 Things I've Learned in 26 Years

It's my birthday, and here's what I've learned in life:

1. Choosing a college major at 18 years old is absurd. I had a tiny idea for my career path, but even as a goal-driven, semi-accomplished student, I still couldn't pin down a major that would direct me down a specific path. My passions were far from narrowing, and in some ways, still are!

2. When people don't like you, it's not always about you. At any given point, someone out there probably doesn't like you. That's ok. I've passed judgment on super emotional friends before, and thought, "Ugh, just suck it up!" and then, out of nowhere, really found that I was upset at myself for not showing more emotion with my friends and family, simply being open about my struggles (it sucks holding everything in!). It wasn't about them, it was about me. That's just one example of how our attitudes/opinions are a reflection of what's going on inside us. If you value the Golden Rule, have a strong moral compass, and care about people, don't worry too much about what they think. At that point, it's out of your control and unlikely to be personal.

3. Don't be married to your job. Management is for the birds. It's gratifying to be in a position with a little more security, but it's exhausting when you feel the weight of that responsibility- especially on your off days. Jobs and careers are challenging. Challenging is good, but don't forget to watch out for the unhappiness that may creep in with committing to a job more than you should. When your place of employment does not reciprocate your efforts and hard work (via pay, gratitude, promotion, etc.), recognize it and know that you don't have to live with it. It's not a for better or worse situation.

4. Marry your friend. Sounds boring, doesn't it? I wouldn't do it any other way. Having a friendship at the offset, growing into something more, keeps respect in our relationship. When I think about my best friends, I think about their struggles, their idiosyncrasies, and how I'd handle tough situations with them. I'd care about them enough to lift them up when they are down, call them out on their poor behavior, and love them through tough times. At the heart of it, I have to do all of that in my marriage, and respecting the other person as my friend is what helps us get through some of the hardest times together.

5. Appreciating your insecurities will help you get over them.... and help you feel better about yourself. On an emotional day (PMS related or whatever!), I can get really worked up about my nose, my crooked teeth, my scoliosis, or my weight... or disappearing eyebrows (ugh!). This month, I tried something new. I have always tried to be brave with my hair, but keeping a flattering cut for my confidence- there's nothing wrong with finding a style that complements your features. But I really wanted to learn to stop hiding. I wanted to be ok with where I am in life, post-baby body, crooked teeth, prominent nose and all! I decided to chop all my hair off and stop worrying so much! Some compliments have come my way, and some quiet, non-acknowledging looks have, too. I made up my mind to be happy with me, and for the first time, I didn't walk out of the salon wondering what people would say.

6. Being a mother will intensify feelings of failure. I mean this in the best way possible. If you give a damn, you'll feel like you're failing at some point. I've learned to embrace that feeling (sometimes I forget, but I think this is important to remember), because it simply means I care... a bunch! I'm not going to make this a long explanation, but just give yourself some grace. There will be days you don't want to be a mom. That's a bold thing to say, but it's not implying that you don't want your child(ren) to exist, it's just that you'd occasionally like to be absolved of any responsibilities related to motherhood. Your anxiety, their tantrums, your frumpiness & exhaustion and so much more, can make any new mom want to run away. As long as you recognize your limits, you can get through this.

7. Living with less really is a journey of happiness. Looking back, some of my happiest times were when I was broke, or had very little. In our first year of marriage, Justin and I at one point, lived in a converted hotel room. We were in California, in a beautiful beach town. We had very little money, and ate a ton of Subway sandwiches. We had a 4'x8' space to call a living room, 3 cabinets, a two-burner stove that didn't work, and a mini fridge. Our bedroom was open to the living room, and our bathroom was so tiny you could touch both walls while sitting on the toilet. But I have nothing but fond memories of that place. In letting go of some clutter here at home, I feel lighter. I also feel lighter knowing that we can't afford that newer car, the nicer laptop, the granite countertops. It forces me to focus on the more affordable goals, which happen to be enriching my life- my fitness (free!), my organizing (free!), my quality time with my family (free!), and my education (soooo not free).

8. There's really no better feeling than knowing the Lord. I have been trying to do so much in my life to create validation for myself. I do it by trying to accomplish a lot, all at once. Throw in a car wreck, career change and a few other hard times, and you've got someone who's in over her head. Life is worth living, when you make your mind up to live it for the Lord. You'll have someone on your side, ready to carry you through the storm, and bring you up to be a light for others. Faith is such a powerful force in the face of struggles, and even more powerful, is grace. Forgiving myself for my shortcomings, and knowing I'm loved just as I am, helps me understand that sometimes it's okay to step back and just enjoy this life- struggles, mistakes, and all!

I'm no expert, but I can attest to these truths out of personal experience and a genuine desire to understand myself and others. What are some key truths you've learned in your lifetime?

Happiness Pondered by a Favorite Blog

Do you have a favorite blog? Does it have multiple contributors? Is it a DIY, project-oriented blog? Is it a Mommy blog? Is it a blog about health and wellness? I feel like this particular blog, Pick the Brain, is a fantastic, comprehensive set of articles that serves to refresh me daily.

There's a recent article on four "Short Yet Powerful Quotes from Abraham Lincoln."

Below, is my favorite of the four:

"Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Does that strike a chord with anyone? It's a kind of conviction for me tonight, and I just wanted to share my answers to the questions that have been provided in this section of the blog post.

1. Who are the people in my life that love and support me? Hmm. Well, I think that my husband and mother are the top two people in my life who actively show me love and support. My grandmothers, all of them (I have 4). My grandfathers. I feel love and support from my brother. And there are several friends whom I can talk to about anything, finding love and support through almost every situation imaginable.

2. What freedoms, blessings, and gifts are you grateful for? First of all, I'm grateful for my immediate family. I've been blessed beyond measure with a healthy and happy husband, daughter, and pets (yes, they are my immediate family) :) I've been given a major gift- and that's to see the opportunity in almost any situation. I don't know how I've been conditioned/conditioned myself to see this, but I am beyond grateful that I discover a silver lining in some pretty shitty circumstances. And to be honest, Justin and I regularly talk about what a blessing it is to be born in America. We have experienced freedom. We are the curators of our own lives. We get to decide our futures. We aren't enduring the trials of a third world country, and we are aware of that in our sometimes short-sighted complaints. 

3. What are the beautiful and simple pleasures all around you? We live in Georgia, a state that values amazing food that can truly touch your soul. We get to step outside and see any of the four seasons. We are surrounded by trees. You could view it as monotonous, but I really think it's just a green oasis. We have ridiculous humidity, or weather that's incredible for someone with dry skin (uh em). We hear our daughter's voice each day, pet our two loving dogs, and snuggle with an old cat. Oh, and I find time to drink wine whenever the time calls for it.

4. What are the purposes that you fulfill, that give your life meaning? I'm still figuring this one out. I'm a mother and wife, so keeping my family together, healthy, happy, and creating a legacy with them is a purpose of mine. Connecting with people and actually improving their lives is something I seek to do, but I don't know my purpose. My life has meaning if I can simply learn from everything that occurs in my lifetime. 

5. Where are you learning and growing to become a better you each day? How appropriate?! I'm learning in almost every area of my life right now. I've made a conscious effort to be present, to challenge myself in already challenging times, and to read everything I can get my hands on, just so I can get it right, or follow a strong example.

If you were to ask yourself these questions, for the sake of recognizing your level of happiness right now, how would you answer?