I think there's a misconception out there about numbing ourselves to our feelings when we take anti-depressants. One of the things I wanted to talk about was how it's actually quite the opposite. When we are completely run by our emotions because we are chemically out of balance, it's quite hard to feel the normal ups and downs. The key, I believe, is reaching out to a professional who can watch closely and monitor you to restore that balance. I've read online forums where people said that they felt they needed to cry on anti-depressants, but couldn't. I understand that feeling. I had it in the beginning, and I am glad that I have that ability returned to me. Crying is cathartic, expressive, and connects you to others. You realize what a privilege it is when you temporarily have it removed from your life. However, in a lot of situations, your body goes through a transition with medication and eventually finds its balance.
I very much have all kinds of feelings these days. Therapy + medicine has helped me be so incredibly happy, that when I find I have to prolong my next session or I have a newly stressful event in my life, I fear the anxiety or sadness come on. And when it does, I have all the normal lows, just like anyone else. The difference is there isn't a sense of hopelessness. There's a sense of reasoning. I write my feelings down, think about what I'd like to talk about or how to overcome them, and then I exercise and try to focus on the good things. It's a process. I don't get it right every time, but I feel every bit in the moment as the next person.
I just thought I'd share because it's a common idea that I think deters people from getting help when they need it. Some of us just have an imbalance. Just like some people have Crohn's disease. Some of us have diabetes. Some of us have cancer. The main commonality I'm trying to highlight is the fact that many of these issues are not visible, but our bodies are still unable to reach homeostasis within some systems, which we can't see. It doesn't mean that we are doomed. We just have to recognize the diet, lifestyle, environmental, and genetic factors that got us here, and then we have to take the steps to restore.
Sunday, November 30, 2014
Tuesday, November 25, 2014
Emotional Beings
One thing that I (more than often) think about is how we evolved as a people. Ok, typically, I think of it more from a biological standpoint, simply because it interests me. But what about emotionally? If you read any personal statements from Adam Carolla or Clint Eastwood, you'll find that many people in our parents' and grandparents' generations hold their popular beliefs that we are all becoming a world of wusses.
I don't disagree. Actually, I always thought "sucking it up" was exactly what we needed to do more of, and talking about our feelings was a nice outlet- but let's not get too detailed with them. If I heard people talking about how everything made them feel, I had a hard time finding merit in their situations. I always felt like they could (and should) just get over it.
I also had these really weird questions in my head when I was working in restaurants: How did we go from hunters to people who eat with these utensils and care about having a complementing set of sides with their protein, and maybe even a cocktail infused with similar, complementing flavors for the ultimate experience? Why did we turn into the kind of people who have to have a specific sauce on the side, or better yet, the kind of people who ask for the music to be changed because heaven forbid, they have to eat their lunch with this song on the radio? I just pictured a bunch of cavemen who shaved, put on deodorant, and suddenly became very picky, wanting the very best dining experience (one of three) in their typical day. Why can't we all just snack on fruits, veggies, sandwiches... you know... typical stuff? With our hands? Not worrying about braising, sautéing, roasting, blanching, poaching, seasoning, reductions, and the million other things to consider when composing a dish?
Ok- I worked in restaurants and I have a sincere appreciation for culinary arts. I love a composed meal with a glass of wine. But I just had random thoughts that had me asking how and why we got to this type of a society that placed such a value on the dining experience, instead of the fact that we are essentially eating to live, and anything else is kinda superfluous.
I asked the professionals at my school what they thought of my questions and (lack of) understanding. It opened my eyes... a little. Back when our ancestors were in the more... primitive stages of society and life on earth, they still had emotional needs. In those particular times, those needs weren't necessarily able to be met, but they were there. As societies were formed, you can see from the wars in our history, that we are from an emotional group of beings. But fast-forwarding to today, where technology has provided us with more than we honestly need to get through this life, we now have the luxury of tending to our emotions more than we ever have. We have time to sit and mindlessly eat. We have time to fret about the relationships in our lives. We have time to vent about our jobs. We have a society that has afforded itself the ability to relax in front of a TV and allow the media to influence our emotions because what else do we have to do before we go to bed? How else are we going to unwind? Sure, let's watch the news and hear nothing but negative. Let's watch the Kardashians and get a skewed view of what constitutes a successful, fulfilling, morally conscious life. We've grown from a people who didn't have the ability to tend to the emotional needs, to a people who over-tend to our emotions, and are ultimately run by them. So the idea behind therapy these days (from the perspectives of the professionals I asked), is to bring individuals to a balance. That balance will allow them to realize the control they have over their emotions. When there is an understanding of that control, that person will get much more fulfillment out of life and hopefully find the balance he can hold onto for the rest of his life.
I will ask more questions like this in the future. I really like this perspective.
I will ask more questions like this in the future. I really like this perspective.
To Understand Yourself is to Understand the World
First of all, I don't think I could ever say anything as profound as Thoreau or Emerson. I don't even know if I will reach that level of intellect. However, what I have come to understand through therapy, is that we all see the world very differently, even in with the guise of our experiences being the same. Yes, we may laugh at the same jokes, for very similar reasons. There are studies which provide the science behind behavior, body language, and chemicals in our brains and their effects on mood. We all know this; it provides us with a sort of foundation for understanding one another. But at the end of it all, we all were raised by imperfect people, in imperfect societies, with a myriad different circumstances. Those influences (not to mention, genes) have shaped how we see the world. For those of us who are out of balance, as I like to say, we may have a lot of searching to do before we can understand the actions, behaviors, and feelings of others.
How many of you really and truly already understand this? I was raised in a way that I really struggled with self image and my personal beliefs about myself. But I thought I had already made sense of it. I really thought I knew myself on a deeper level than most people knew of themselves. Months of therapy have completely changed my view. I realized I had triggers for anxiety, sadness, and general fears. I didn't know how much something affected me until I was able to peel back the layers I'd been keeping over me. I realize how abstract this is, but I don't think I can articulate exactly what I feel from this.
Do you ever think you're on the brink of a big decision, or you're in this circumstance and you just don't know the right way to handle it? You feel on the one hand, you could do this, but on the other hand, you should do that. A little deeper in your conversation, your therapist says, "Well this is scary for you because X happened when you were a child and since then, you've always been afraid of yada yada." All of a sudden, your mind is blown. If you can sit and think on it, you'll realize many other times in your life where you felt similar, and you will understand it all comes back to a specific event, relationship, or thought that you've clung to for so long.
Does that make sense?
Also, I still advocate for anti-depressants. I don't think I'd be ready for therapy if I didn't have the aid of an anti-depressant to help me be restored to a more balanced state of mind. I think I'd be stirring in my thoughts and unable to really gain control of my emotions long enough to tackle the topics at hand.
But hey, if I don't share my story, someone out there will continue to have his/her wall up with therapy and medicine, and he/she may not feel comfortable enough to reach out and get the help they need.
How many of you really and truly already understand this? I was raised in a way that I really struggled with self image and my personal beliefs about myself. But I thought I had already made sense of it. I really thought I knew myself on a deeper level than most people knew of themselves. Months of therapy have completely changed my view. I realized I had triggers for anxiety, sadness, and general fears. I didn't know how much something affected me until I was able to peel back the layers I'd been keeping over me. I realize how abstract this is, but I don't think I can articulate exactly what I feel from this.
Do you ever think you're on the brink of a big decision, or you're in this circumstance and you just don't know the right way to handle it? You feel on the one hand, you could do this, but on the other hand, you should do that. A little deeper in your conversation, your therapist says, "Well this is scary for you because X happened when you were a child and since then, you've always been afraid of yada yada." All of a sudden, your mind is blown. If you can sit and think on it, you'll realize many other times in your life where you felt similar, and you will understand it all comes back to a specific event, relationship, or thought that you've clung to for so long.
Does that make sense?
Also, I still advocate for anti-depressants. I don't think I'd be ready for therapy if I didn't have the aid of an anti-depressant to help me be restored to a more balanced state of mind. I think I'd be stirring in my thoughts and unable to really gain control of my emotions long enough to tackle the topics at hand.
But hey, if I don't share my story, someone out there will continue to have his/her wall up with therapy and medicine, and he/she may not feel comfortable enough to reach out and get the help they need.
I'm Officially a Wellness Coach!
Today is the first day that I have been able to say that I'm officially trained and certified to be a Wellness Coach at the YMCA! The reason I'm really excited about it is because I've had to be CPR-PRO certified; I had to take a course on Healthy Lifestyle Principles; then I took a course on Strength and Conditioning, which was very thorough; finally, I ended with my course on The Coach Approach Program that's offered exclusively through the YMCA.
In between the classes, I have had to shadow many appointments, learn the equipment, and meet tons of members! It's been a wonderful experience, and I believe that what I'm doing will help people in a similar way to how I'd like to help people as a nurse. And for that reason alone, I look forward to working every day. It's also really nice to be working with a staff that feels very warm and inviting. I feel like I can be myself and I get so goofy during the classes that I just really feel like I'm me when I'm there.
A couple of things that I learned (that were relatively new concepts for me) in those classes are interesting enough that I'd just like to share them with you guys:
1. Did you know that setting a cardio machine to a "fat burning" program is not really indicative of burning more fat? All it really means is you'll be working at an intensity level that burns calories, with fat being the source of those calories. It's typically low-moderate intensity and takes much longer to burn a higher quantity of calories. When doing a high intensity interval training program, it'll burn more calories at a faster rate, with the source of those calories being carbohydrates/glucose/glycogen. Ultimately, the goal is to burn as many calories as you can, without worrying about the source. Being more efficient with the workouts is not only beneficial in weight loss, but it's beneficial from a mental aspect because you don't have to spend as long on that elliptical as you think you do!
2. Did you know that only 3.5% of the population (below age 60) works out regularly? Self-reported rates were more at 15%, however, when accelerometers were placed on the ankles of these people, the study found they reported exercising more than they actually did, and eating less than they actually ate. So if you work out regularly you are part of that 3.5% in America!
3. It only takes 150 minutes of moderate cardiovascular exercise per week to feel and see physical, mental, and emotional changes/progress. That could be 5 thirty-minute sessions of cardio or 10 fifteen-minute sessions. However you'd like to incorporate it. In older, obese women, it only took about 20 minutes, twice a week, to feel those same benefits.
4. Finally, there are many studies out there that prove that education of exercise and wellness do not determine the success of the individual who is seeking a healthy lifestyle change. If we approach exercising as more of trying to form a habit of it, then later incorporating more intense training, strength training, and specific goal-setting, it'll show a higher retention rate and create a lifestyle change rather than short-term success or failure.
Along with many other specific topics and challenges, I found these little nuggets of info really helpful and interesting. It helped me to understand how to look at the struggle of each individual and take a new approach to the way they view fitness. I'm SOOOOOO excited for January!
:)
In between the classes, I have had to shadow many appointments, learn the equipment, and meet tons of members! It's been a wonderful experience, and I believe that what I'm doing will help people in a similar way to how I'd like to help people as a nurse. And for that reason alone, I look forward to working every day. It's also really nice to be working with a staff that feels very warm and inviting. I feel like I can be myself and I get so goofy during the classes that I just really feel like I'm me when I'm there.
A couple of things that I learned (that were relatively new concepts for me) in those classes are interesting enough that I'd just like to share them with you guys:
1. Did you know that setting a cardio machine to a "fat burning" program is not really indicative of burning more fat? All it really means is you'll be working at an intensity level that burns calories, with fat being the source of those calories. It's typically low-moderate intensity and takes much longer to burn a higher quantity of calories. When doing a high intensity interval training program, it'll burn more calories at a faster rate, with the source of those calories being carbohydrates/glucose/glycogen. Ultimately, the goal is to burn as many calories as you can, without worrying about the source. Being more efficient with the workouts is not only beneficial in weight loss, but it's beneficial from a mental aspect because you don't have to spend as long on that elliptical as you think you do!
2. Did you know that only 3.5% of the population (below age 60) works out regularly? Self-reported rates were more at 15%, however, when accelerometers were placed on the ankles of these people, the study found they reported exercising more than they actually did, and eating less than they actually ate. So if you work out regularly you are part of that 3.5% in America!
3. It only takes 150 minutes of moderate cardiovascular exercise per week to feel and see physical, mental, and emotional changes/progress. That could be 5 thirty-minute sessions of cardio or 10 fifteen-minute sessions. However you'd like to incorporate it. In older, obese women, it only took about 20 minutes, twice a week, to feel those same benefits.4. Finally, there are many studies out there that prove that education of exercise and wellness do not determine the success of the individual who is seeking a healthy lifestyle change. If we approach exercising as more of trying to form a habit of it, then later incorporating more intense training, strength training, and specific goal-setting, it'll show a higher retention rate and create a lifestyle change rather than short-term success or failure.
Along with many other specific topics and challenges, I found these little nuggets of info really helpful and interesting. It helped me to understand how to look at the struggle of each individual and take a new approach to the way they view fitness. I'm SOOOOOO excited for January!
:)
Sunday, November 16, 2014
You is Kind, You is Smart, You is Important.
I've come to really really like myself this past month.
This sounds silly, aloof, unmeasurable... but I really do. I have spent a good portion of my blogging talking about my struggles with liking who I am and believing I'm a good person. I have spent a lot of time in therapy talking about this exact topic- actually, I specifically said, "I want to get to a place where I know I'm a good person, and I don't have to question it when I feel like someone doesn't understand me." I don't want to feel like I'm constantly trying to paint over an ugly picture. I just need to feel like the picture isn't ugly in the first place.
Well ladies (and maybe the occasional gentleman who could read this), I'm like, 95% there! After talking about a lot of things that I have held onto with my past, the things that I've grown to believe about myself and my relationships, and the things I've become really sensitive to, I've come to understand myself so well. It took 26 years to get to a place where I feel like I'm unapologetically Brittany and nothing more.
So what have I come to accept? I'll just go ahead and share, because you guys deserve to see a real side of me for the sake of understanding just how helpful therapy can be.
I have always tried to do well, achieve many awards, good grades, and compliments because that made me feel good- helping me cope with my depression as a young teenager and adult.
I made it through some of the worst times in my life simply because I rooted myself in church, volunteering, and reading about self-improvement.
I have substituted other men in my life as my father figures because of my father's absence and inability to provide me with the love, structure, commitment, and the compass that I needed from my parents. Those men were my grandfather, my uncle, my Senior Marine Instructor in high school, my boss in California, my boss in Serenbe, and my step-dad (although currently, I don't feel I'm at an age where I need this anymore).Without that attachment and fondness I had for them, I don't think I'd understand what a father really is. As I strove to meet their expectations and impress them as I would my own dad, I made it through to leadership positions in both school and work. It got me much further than the next kid who may have grown up with my same history.
I'm totally an introvert and would much rather spend time with one person than a group. I enjoy all connections I make with others, but I really enjoy the individual connections. I feel like my ability to connect is indirectly related to how many people I am currently around- I've learned that this is something that doesn't hinder me. I just prefer it differently.
I have a pretty healthy attachment to my daughter. I love her so much and I still feel intoxicated with the best feelings when I go into her room in the morning, pick her up out of her bed, and hold her close and smell her hair. I live for that. However, I am also happy to detach and still know myself as "Brittany, who has a daughter named Anneliese" versus "Anneliese's Mom." Sometimes I feel guilty when I see the selflessness of other mothers who really love and adore their children and do become fully engulfed by motherhood. I think if it suits them, it's nothing for me to consider or judge. I have gotten to a place where I can't feel guilty about it. I have quality time with my daughter and I think it's because I also have quality time with myself, my husband, and other friends. She is the light of my life, but I also really enjoy my dates with my husband!
People tend to think I'm a lot smarter than I really am. I'm an intelligent gal- don't get me wrong. I feel like my genuine interests are a little nerdy and involve reading and applying myself. But I also really believe I just have a desire to meet expectations of myself, and that's led me to create relatively healthy habits in my life. Those healthy habits have led me to carry myself like I'm older and intelligent. However, chances are I won't ever graduate at the top of the class.
I'm really a thoughtful person in my head, but I often fail to follow through with my gift-giving ideas and my thank you notes and my phone calls. It's part of my introverted style, I think. I can email, blog, text, and give you some pretty great advice. But if I have to mail something to you, I will mail it way behind schedule. It's one thing about myself I'm not quite ready to accept. I'd like people to see what I really feel for them on the inside. If you get a thank you note from last year, just know that's why!
I could write so much more, but I'll leave it at that for now.
I don't know how long it'd take for me to really understand myself if I didn't have the help of therapy to first combat my depression, but to also tackle all of the things I still had buried in me. Each session makes me lighter and lighter. I really like this girl I've come to know better!
This sounds silly, aloof, unmeasurable... but I really do. I have spent a good portion of my blogging talking about my struggles with liking who I am and believing I'm a good person. I have spent a lot of time in therapy talking about this exact topic- actually, I specifically said, "I want to get to a place where I know I'm a good person, and I don't have to question it when I feel like someone doesn't understand me." I don't want to feel like I'm constantly trying to paint over an ugly picture. I just need to feel like the picture isn't ugly in the first place.Well ladies (and maybe the occasional gentleman who could read this), I'm like, 95% there! After talking about a lot of things that I have held onto with my past, the things that I've grown to believe about myself and my relationships, and the things I've become really sensitive to, I've come to understand myself so well. It took 26 years to get to a place where I feel like I'm unapologetically Brittany and nothing more.
So what have I come to accept? I'll just go ahead and share, because you guys deserve to see a real side of me for the sake of understanding just how helpful therapy can be.
I have always tried to do well, achieve many awards, good grades, and compliments because that made me feel good- helping me cope with my depression as a young teenager and adult.
I made it through some of the worst times in my life simply because I rooted myself in church, volunteering, and reading about self-improvement.
I have substituted other men in my life as my father figures because of my father's absence and inability to provide me with the love, structure, commitment, and the compass that I needed from my parents. Those men were my grandfather, my uncle, my Senior Marine Instructor in high school, my boss in California, my boss in Serenbe, and my step-dad (although currently, I don't feel I'm at an age where I need this anymore).Without that attachment and fondness I had for them, I don't think I'd understand what a father really is. As I strove to meet their expectations and impress them as I would my own dad, I made it through to leadership positions in both school and work. It got me much further than the next kid who may have grown up with my same history.
I'm totally an introvert and would much rather spend time with one person than a group. I enjoy all connections I make with others, but I really enjoy the individual connections. I feel like my ability to connect is indirectly related to how many people I am currently around- I've learned that this is something that doesn't hinder me. I just prefer it differently.
I have a pretty healthy attachment to my daughter. I love her so much and I still feel intoxicated with the best feelings when I go into her room in the morning, pick her up out of her bed, and hold her close and smell her hair. I live for that. However, I am also happy to detach and still know myself as "Brittany, who has a daughter named Anneliese" versus "Anneliese's Mom." Sometimes I feel guilty when I see the selflessness of other mothers who really love and adore their children and do become fully engulfed by motherhood. I think if it suits them, it's nothing for me to consider or judge. I have gotten to a place where I can't feel guilty about it. I have quality time with my daughter and I think it's because I also have quality time with myself, my husband, and other friends. She is the light of my life, but I also really enjoy my dates with my husband!
People tend to think I'm a lot smarter than I really am. I'm an intelligent gal- don't get me wrong. I feel like my genuine interests are a little nerdy and involve reading and applying myself. But I also really believe I just have a desire to meet expectations of myself, and that's led me to create relatively healthy habits in my life. Those healthy habits have led me to carry myself like I'm older and intelligent. However, chances are I won't ever graduate at the top of the class.
I'm really a thoughtful person in my head, but I often fail to follow through with my gift-giving ideas and my thank you notes and my phone calls. It's part of my introverted style, I think. I can email, blog, text, and give you some pretty great advice. But if I have to mail something to you, I will mail it way behind schedule. It's one thing about myself I'm not quite ready to accept. I'd like people to see what I really feel for them on the inside. If you get a thank you note from last year, just know that's why!
I could write so much more, but I'll leave it at that for now.
I don't know how long it'd take for me to really understand myself if I didn't have the help of therapy to first combat my depression, but to also tackle all of the things I still had buried in me. Each session makes me lighter and lighter. I really like this girl I've come to know better!
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Focus!
Oh man, my focus has been sub-par this last... month? Maybe just a couple of weeks. I love how life can just throw little wrenches in your plans and how I seriously can't seem to get enough coffee to plant my nose in my books.
There are about 3 weeks left of school with Thanksgiving in between those weeks. I'm so excited because I think we are going to have a low-key dinner with my brother and a friend on our holiday, and just have a good time in our home. It sounds really peaceful and happy.
Aside from that, my microbiology class never seems to let me get the hang of it. My Anatomy and Physiology 2 class is fascinating, but there are at least 2-3 quizzes each week, plus writing assignments and a ridiculously early (to me) lab.
But I wanted to update on my cleanse and talk about my results. I'm going to talk about them here, then put a photo up to show some sort of representation of my measurements.
First of all, I mentioned that cleanse was great for continuing to eat small amounts throughout the day. This is key when you want to clean out your system without losing muscle mass and/or compromising your metabolism. And honestly, I don't think I'd have even the slightest chance of succeeding if I couldn't eat on a cleanse. That's so intimidating!
It was super easy to follow, the recipes for what I could eat were delicious, and most importantly, the weight that I lost hasn't come back. In fact, I've lost a couple more pounds! I lost >3lbs in 3 days, and I've lost almost 3 more in the two weeks following the cleanse. I've not had any major cravings, I focus on eating around the clock, and I have started a new workout regimen at my job.
I don't even know what's happened to me. I just look in the mirror each day and I'm really surprised to find that certain pants fit me and others are loose. And I'm at a weight where I really have no desire to lose anything else. I'm just a really healthy size 8, and I love that! Losing weight feels a lot like weeks of teeny tiny results that accumulate into big results that you one day wake up and finally feel. And I can't even imagine what that's like for the people who work so hard and lose 40-50% of their body weight, like on the Biggest Loser! Could you imagine? I admire them so much.
Anyway, I'm going to get back to studying and prepping for my next steps in school (2015 and beyond). I've got to get motivated!
There are about 3 weeks left of school with Thanksgiving in between those weeks. I'm so excited because I think we are going to have a low-key dinner with my brother and a friend on our holiday, and just have a good time in our home. It sounds really peaceful and happy.
Aside from that, my microbiology class never seems to let me get the hang of it. My Anatomy and Physiology 2 class is fascinating, but there are at least 2-3 quizzes each week, plus writing assignments and a ridiculously early (to me) lab.
But I wanted to update on my cleanse and talk about my results. I'm going to talk about them here, then put a photo up to show some sort of representation of my measurements.
First of all, I mentioned that cleanse was great for continuing to eat small amounts throughout the day. This is key when you want to clean out your system without losing muscle mass and/or compromising your metabolism. And honestly, I don't think I'd have even the slightest chance of succeeding if I couldn't eat on a cleanse. That's so intimidating!
It was super easy to follow, the recipes for what I could eat were delicious, and most importantly, the weight that I lost hasn't come back. In fact, I've lost a couple more pounds! I lost >3lbs in 3 days, and I've lost almost 3 more in the two weeks following the cleanse. I've not had any major cravings, I focus on eating around the clock, and I have started a new workout regimen at my job.
I don't even know what's happened to me. I just look in the mirror each day and I'm really surprised to find that certain pants fit me and others are loose. And I'm at a weight where I really have no desire to lose anything else. I'm just a really healthy size 8, and I love that! Losing weight feels a lot like weeks of teeny tiny results that accumulate into big results that you one day wake up and finally feel. And I can't even imagine what that's like for the people who work so hard and lose 40-50% of their body weight, like on the Biggest Loser! Could you imagine? I admire them so much.
Anyway, I'm going to get back to studying and prepping for my next steps in school (2015 and beyond). I've got to get motivated!