Mind/Body

I feel like I can be pretty open about some struggles on here, without going so far that I'm no longer helping others or myself.

With that, I'd like to share my week in review.

Before my school semester starts, I have made a conscious decision to go to counseling to get as much out of the programs my school has to offer as I can. I'll call it a preemptive strike on stress.

I've been dealing with stress, anxiety, and bouts of depression for a long time now. After I had my daughter, I took a job that I thought would be great support for my family. My husband was deployed, I was alone with a newborn, and I couldn't resist the temptation to challenge myself in a new role. Looking back, sometimes I wish I hadn't. Although I learned some really valuable lessons, I feel I set myself up to deal with more anxiety and more depression in the following months, postpartum. I went to the doctor after about 6 months, who wrote me a prescription for an antidepressant. I chose instead to be harder on myself and exercise, eat better, and get acupuncture. Those helped in the short-term, but work and mommy hood still posed lots of challenges that I didn't cope with well. Fast forward to now, where I feel Justin and I have made some tough (albeit fantastic) changes on behalf of bettering our future as a family. Yet, because I have not equipped myself with the tools to cope with so many changes, I have even more of a struggle with anxiety and depression.

This doesn't mean I'm not able to be happy. It doesn't mean I can't reach goals, acclimate to a new job, or perform well. It just means during the day, I may have a hard time breathing. It means that at the end of the day, I may feel lonely in the midst of a love and support from my husband. It means that in spite of any good I can do right now, I can still manage to feel the world caving in on me. And up until now, all it's meant for me is setting more goals, blaming myself for things that go wrong, and feeling unworthy of love because I feel so incapable of giving it back.

Thankfully, my college tuition and fees cover counseling services, and a Mind Body Clinic that's available all the time, for an unlimited amount of visits! So I've taken my broke college student/part-time working parent status to campus and I've used my resources just before the semester even begins.

And what I've begun to learn, with an immediate effect, is meditation. Specifically, it's called "Conscious Rest Meditation." Aside from sitting in the chair at the onset, crying and talking about my family struggles, Ms. W (as I'll leave her named) heard me, comforted me, and guided me to relax. Within 24 hours, my coworkers asked me what I'd been doing, because I was so "chipper"! I felt safe telling them about my journey with the Mind Body Clinic, since they'd previously been open about their struggles with anxiety. I couldn't believe it. I thought perhaps I was just having a good day, and that it really wasn't the meditation. I felt kind of like a fraud for saying that it was without talking to Ms. W about it again, just to be sure. I was in denial that they really noticed anything!

Thankfully, I've learned time after time this week, that meditation has an immediate effect on my well-being.

Tomorrow, I'm going to post the very simple instructions for how I have been taught to meditate, and I hope you'll find them helpful in any situation you face.

Until soon.