Conscious Rest Meditation

Hey Guys! As I said, I'm going to provide the instructions given to me by the Mind Body Clinic on campus that have been getting me through some anxious parts of my day(s).

I'll describe it in a series of steps and then try to discuss what I've learned.

1. Take about 30 seconds to get into a comfortable, seated position (not lying down).
2. Once comfortable, close your eyes, and begin inhaling through your nose, focusing on expanding your diaphragm, not your lungs. Let your stomach expand, and then exhale that air through your mouth. Do this 3 times.
3. On the third breath, imagine breathing in love for yourself- all the love you can possibly breathe into your body. Let it flow through your nose, down to your lungs, into your stomach, and throughout your arms, legs, and extremities.
4. Before exhaling, give a name to what you'd like to release. At any given time, that's usually "fear of letting people down" or "fear of being a bad mother" or "fear of failure" for me. You can start with this, or yours could be something like anxiety, worry, doubt, or even the exam you're about to take. Once you choose that name for what you want to release, exhale with a really big sigh. I tried to just exhale with a big breath and the counselor made me do it again because she said it wasn't strong enough. So think big, exaggerated sigh.
5. Then, you'll want to choose a sound to focus on, particularly one that has vibration. "Zring" is the word I was told to use, but "Om" could work just as well. The vibration of the sound is what will enable you to relax. I originally thought I needed to pick a word, not sound, to use. I was corrected with this because choosing a word to focus on, or a phrase, can actually encourage more thinking. This isn't the ultimate goal of conscious rest meditation.
6. Continue letting that sound fade to the background as you sit in silence, eyes closed. Try to do this for twenty minutes, twice a day. But keep in mind, any meditation is better than no meditation.

One of the most annoying things about meditation are the thoughts that pop up when you're trying to clear your mind. It's also a common misconception about meditation.

Think about what you're ultimately doing for yourself: you're blocking out external cues, like the tv, cell phone, Facebook, daylight, clocks, paperwork... you name it. You're releasing those images, and then you're actively, mindfully breathing until you get more relaxed. Once you get to step 5, you're simply sitting alone, in as much silence as your surroundings provide, and you're just trying to rest. Thoughts will come and go. The best thing you can do is to allow them to do so, and then come back to the sound. Eventually, those thoughts start to fade, or they may get fuzzy. They also may completely disappear. You may have a moment of nothingness, where you even lose track of where you are, what time it is, or what exactly you're doing. This can occur, but you shouldn't set this as your destination. The reason I say that, is because what you do in steps 1-6 is incredibly beneficial, and just as rewarding as getting to that state of nothingness.

Upon waking from your rest, you should feel a little more energized, light, and calm.

I hope you'll check out what I've learned and tried to share with you!

Mind/Body

I feel like I can be pretty open about some struggles on here, without going so far that I'm no longer helping others or myself.

With that, I'd like to share my week in review.

Before my school semester starts, I have made a conscious decision to go to counseling to get as much out of the programs my school has to offer as I can. I'll call it a preemptive strike on stress.

I've been dealing with stress, anxiety, and bouts of depression for a long time now. After I had my daughter, I took a job that I thought would be great support for my family. My husband was deployed, I was alone with a newborn, and I couldn't resist the temptation to challenge myself in a new role. Looking back, sometimes I wish I hadn't. Although I learned some really valuable lessons, I feel I set myself up to deal with more anxiety and more depression in the following months, postpartum. I went to the doctor after about 6 months, who wrote me a prescription for an antidepressant. I chose instead to be harder on myself and exercise, eat better, and get acupuncture. Those helped in the short-term, but work and mommy hood still posed lots of challenges that I didn't cope with well. Fast forward to now, where I feel Justin and I have made some tough (albeit fantastic) changes on behalf of bettering our future as a family. Yet, because I have not equipped myself with the tools to cope with so many changes, I have even more of a struggle with anxiety and depression.

This doesn't mean I'm not able to be happy. It doesn't mean I can't reach goals, acclimate to a new job, or perform well. It just means during the day, I may have a hard time breathing. It means that at the end of the day, I may feel lonely in the midst of a love and support from my husband. It means that in spite of any good I can do right now, I can still manage to feel the world caving in on me. And up until now, all it's meant for me is setting more goals, blaming myself for things that go wrong, and feeling unworthy of love because I feel so incapable of giving it back.

Thankfully, my college tuition and fees cover counseling services, and a Mind Body Clinic that's available all the time, for an unlimited amount of visits! So I've taken my broke college student/part-time working parent status to campus and I've used my resources just before the semester even begins.

And what I've begun to learn, with an immediate effect, is meditation. Specifically, it's called "Conscious Rest Meditation." Aside from sitting in the chair at the onset, crying and talking about my family struggles, Ms. W (as I'll leave her named) heard me, comforted me, and guided me to relax. Within 24 hours, my coworkers asked me what I'd been doing, because I was so "chipper"! I felt safe telling them about my journey with the Mind Body Clinic, since they'd previously been open about their struggles with anxiety. I couldn't believe it. I thought perhaps I was just having a good day, and that it really wasn't the meditation. I felt kind of like a fraud for saying that it was without talking to Ms. W about it again, just to be sure. I was in denial that they really noticed anything!

Thankfully, I've learned time after time this week, that meditation has an immediate effect on my well-being.

Tomorrow, I'm going to post the very simple instructions for how I have been taught to meditate, and I hope you'll find them helpful in any situation you face.

Until soon.

Courage

My personal favorite definition of courage is this: 

Brené Brown has taught me that living vulnerably is courageous. Living authentically, with a heightened awareness of yourself, and embracing your feelings, both good and bad, is courageous. Not being afraid to be misunderstood, going forth with purpose, knowing that I have been brought into this world because I have something to offer it, is courageous. 

Do you feel misunderstood? Do you feel scared to tell your truth because sharing your pain could possibly hurt others? Do you feel like you can't post the hard stuff because it's too open to scrutiny? 

Here's my vulnerable statement today: 

I've blamed myself for everything that ever happens in my relationships, and it has gotten me nowhere. I feel a certain conviction that I must find my responsibility in every situation, because it's an opportunity to empower myself to change that circumstance. 

What I'm learning, is that this is great for recognizing that you were the reason you got fired from your job, (not because your boss just hates you, or the Universe is cruel, etc.) but this is not great when you get into the dynamics of your relationships.  

When people don't like me or don't find that I add value to their lives, I think it's really important to reach out to the people who understand, who know me and love me, and want the best for me. It's not self-centered (like I often feel I am, because that's how I can make sense of it), it's simply to survive. If you don't have people who know you, and who love you for all that you are, you won't get very far. 

If you've ever felt that way, please create a net of people to help catch you when you take on the burden of blaming yourself. Let them reinforce the goodness they see in you. And when you feel bad four hours later, reach out to them again. Do this until you love yourself and have your own affirmations.

If you're in a place where you can't be there for others, because you need to work on yourself, just know you don't have to feel guilty about that.

You are a good person. You are already forgiven. You add value to people's lives. 

You are worthy of love. 

Full Nursery View

Hey Everyone! 

I wanted to share Ali's whole nursery, now that I feel it's as complete as it'll get (yes, as she reaches 1 1/2 years of age!). I found lots of inspiration with fabrics at Hawthorne Threads, and from there, I felt that the rest of the room was just a lot of browsing, budgeting, and simply trying to get the most bang out of my buck. 

Before I continue, here are a few photos of her room!

The dresser was a second hand purchase from a friend, and was originally for a boy's room. It was a mahogany color, and had different hardware. The tree is a decal from Target, the letters a baby shower gift, and the chevron basket from Tuesday Morning. The window valance was a project I did with fabric from Hawthorne Threads and supplies from Lowe's.

The crib was from the same set as the dresser, and I used Annie Sloan Chalk Paint in Old White to get this shabby chic look. I still had enough paint left over to paint a side table in the living room!

I just wanted to show the doggy hooks I got from Ikea- I hang her towels and/or back packs on them!

And finally, this was my most recent project, which you can find in the post below!

During my pregnancy, when I lived alone, I was able to really have fun with taking my time in stores, shopping for great deals, and scanning the internet for inspiration. There were drawbacks to a few decisions I made, but I wouldn't change them. 

For instance, the crib was missing a piece that had to be fashioned in order to set the mattress on top of the frame. It wasn't completed before Ali turned 6 months, so of course, I felt like a really bad mom for not even really using her nursery in the beginning. 

The canvas book holders, frame, and shelves were done almost 2 weeks ago. That's quite a ways into Ali's life to still be completing her room. I don't know how mommies get nurseries done so efficiently! Between working, pregnancy, living alone, and then being a single parent for the first 7 months, I really didn't hold a stick to some of the beautiful rooms I see on other blogs. But that's ok :) Ali's room is complete and it feels nice to have it done! 

The tips for Annie Sloan Chalk Paint are no different than the previous post! I simply distressed the furniture more, because I felt like a teething baby would do it sooner or later ;) 

If you have any questions about my projects, I'm happy to share what I've learned! 

Nursery Project

Having Ali come into this world awakened a very fun side of me that I feel had been a little dormant. It all had to do with decorating her room! I worked at trying to create her room on a budget, getting used items and finding ways to give them new life. I have several projects I'll share through separate posts. My first, are these Ikea Hack bookshelves!

I found these spice racks at Ikea for around $3 a piece. I grabbed some Annie Sloan chalk paint, which I diligently picked out to match the tiny hints of yellow in her fabrics, and I went to town!

Annie Sloan Chalk Paint allows for painting on almost any surface, with very little preparation. As you can see, I purchased a small sample, as this paint also seems to go very far. I still have leftover paint that I can use for another couple of shelves if I want to.

All you need is your basic paint brush (no need for an angled brush, I just had that one on hand), a surface to paint on, and the clear wax that I don't have pictured.

Here are my steps: 

1. Wipe down any residue/dust from your shelves. 

2. Paint separate pieces prior to assembly. 

3. After a ridiculously short period of time in waiting for it to dry, use directions to assemble the shelves. 

4. If there are any inconsistencies on the surface, you can sand with 100 grit sand paper to smooth

it out. Make sure you blow off all residue.

5. Take a cheap, clean brush or an old t-shirt and dip into the clear wax. Apply liberally and rub into the dried paint surface. This will create a sheen on the surface that will serve to seal the paint and protect it from wear. 

6. After 24 hours of curing, the shelves will be ready to hang! 

I hope you've enjoyed this project :)

8 Things I've Learned in 26 Years

It's my birthday, and here's what I've learned in life:

1. Choosing a college major at 18 years old is absurd. I had a tiny idea for my career path, but even as a goal-driven, semi-accomplished student, I still couldn't pin down a major that would direct me down a specific path. My passions were far from narrowing, and in some ways, still are!

2. When people don't like you, it's not always about you. At any given point, someone out there probably doesn't like you. That's ok. I've passed judgment on super emotional friends before, and thought, "Ugh, just suck it up!" and then, out of nowhere, really found that I was upset at myself for not showing more emotion with my friends and family, simply being open about my struggles (it sucks holding everything in!). It wasn't about them, it was about me. That's just one example of how our attitudes/opinions are a reflection of what's going on inside us. If you value the Golden Rule, have a strong moral compass, and care about people, don't worry too much about what they think. At that point, it's out of your control and unlikely to be personal.

3. Don't be married to your job. Management is for the birds. It's gratifying to be in a position with a little more security, but it's exhausting when you feel the weight of that responsibility- especially on your off days. Jobs and careers are challenging. Challenging is good, but don't forget to watch out for the unhappiness that may creep in with committing to a job more than you should. When your place of employment does not reciprocate your efforts and hard work (via pay, gratitude, promotion, etc.), recognize it and know that you don't have to live with it. It's not a for better or worse situation.

4. Marry your friend. Sounds boring, doesn't it? I wouldn't do it any other way. Having a friendship at the offset, growing into something more, keeps respect in our relationship. When I think about my best friends, I think about their struggles, their idiosyncrasies, and how I'd handle tough situations with them. I'd care about them enough to lift them up when they are down, call them out on their poor behavior, and love them through tough times. At the heart of it, I have to do all of that in my marriage, and respecting the other person as my friend is what helps us get through some of the hardest times together.

5. Appreciating your insecurities will help you get over them.... and help you feel better about yourself. On an emotional day (PMS related or whatever!), I can get really worked up about my nose, my crooked teeth, my scoliosis, or my weight... or disappearing eyebrows (ugh!). This month, I tried something new. I have always tried to be brave with my hair, but keeping a flattering cut for my confidence- there's nothing wrong with finding a style that complements your features. But I really wanted to learn to stop hiding. I wanted to be ok with where I am in life, post-baby body, crooked teeth, prominent nose and all! I decided to chop all my hair off and stop worrying so much! Some compliments have come my way, and some quiet, non-acknowledging looks have, too. I made up my mind to be happy with me, and for the first time, I didn't walk out of the salon wondering what people would say.

6. Being a mother will intensify feelings of failure. I mean this in the best way possible. If you give a damn, you'll feel like you're failing at some point. I've learned to embrace that feeling (sometimes I forget, but I think this is important to remember), because it simply means I care... a bunch! I'm not going to make this a long explanation, but just give yourself some grace. There will be days you don't want to be a mom. That's a bold thing to say, but it's not implying that you don't want your child(ren) to exist, it's just that you'd occasionally like to be absolved of any responsibilities related to motherhood. Your anxiety, their tantrums, your frumpiness & exhaustion and so much more, can make any new mom want to run away. As long as you recognize your limits, you can get through this.

7. Living with less really is a journey of happiness. Looking back, some of my happiest times were when I was broke, or had very little. In our first year of marriage, Justin and I at one point, lived in a converted hotel room. We were in California, in a beautiful beach town. We had very little money, and ate a ton of Subway sandwiches. We had a 4'x8' space to call a living room, 3 cabinets, a two-burner stove that didn't work, and a mini fridge. Our bedroom was open to the living room, and our bathroom was so tiny you could touch both walls while sitting on the toilet. But I have nothing but fond memories of that place. In letting go of some clutter here at home, I feel lighter. I also feel lighter knowing that we can't afford that newer car, the nicer laptop, the granite countertops. It forces me to focus on the more affordable goals, which happen to be enriching my life- my fitness (free!), my organizing (free!), my quality time with my family (free!), and my education (soooo not free).

8. There's really no better feeling than knowing the Lord. I have been trying to do so much in my life to create validation for myself. I do it by trying to accomplish a lot, all at once. Throw in a car wreck, career change and a few other hard times, and you've got someone who's in over her head. Life is worth living, when you make your mind up to live it for the Lord. You'll have someone on your side, ready to carry you through the storm, and bring you up to be a light for others. Faith is such a powerful force in the face of struggles, and even more powerful, is grace. Forgiving myself for my shortcomings, and knowing I'm loved just as I am, helps me understand that sometimes it's okay to step back and just enjoy this life- struggles, mistakes, and all!

I'm no expert, but I can attest to these truths out of personal experience and a genuine desire to understand myself and others. What are some key truths you've learned in your lifetime?

Happiness Pondered by a Favorite Blog

Do you have a favorite blog? Does it have multiple contributors? Is it a DIY, project-oriented blog? Is it a Mommy blog? Is it a blog about health and wellness? I feel like this particular blog, Pick the Brain, is a fantastic, comprehensive set of articles that serves to refresh me daily.

There's a recent article on four "Short Yet Powerful Quotes from Abraham Lincoln."

Below, is my favorite of the four:

"Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."

Does that strike a chord with anyone? It's a kind of conviction for me tonight, and I just wanted to share my answers to the questions that have been provided in this section of the blog post.

1. Who are the people in my life that love and support me? Hmm. Well, I think that my husband and mother are the top two people in my life who actively show me love and support. My grandmothers, all of them (I have 4). My grandfathers. I feel love and support from my brother. And there are several friends whom I can talk to about anything, finding love and support through almost every situation imaginable.

2. What freedoms, blessings, and gifts are you grateful for? First of all, I'm grateful for my immediate family. I've been blessed beyond measure with a healthy and happy husband, daughter, and pets (yes, they are my immediate family) :) I've been given a major gift- and that's to see the opportunity in almost any situation. I don't know how I've been conditioned/conditioned myself to see this, but I am beyond grateful that I discover a silver lining in some pretty shitty circumstances. And to be honest, Justin and I regularly talk about what a blessing it is to be born in America. We have experienced freedom. We are the curators of our own lives. We get to decide our futures. We aren't enduring the trials of a third world country, and we are aware of that in our sometimes short-sighted complaints. 

3. What are the beautiful and simple pleasures all around you? We live in Georgia, a state that values amazing food that can truly touch your soul. We get to step outside and see any of the four seasons. We are surrounded by trees. You could view it as monotonous, but I really think it's just a green oasis. We have ridiculous humidity, or weather that's incredible for someone with dry skin (uh em). We hear our daughter's voice each day, pet our two loving dogs, and snuggle with an old cat. Oh, and I find time to drink wine whenever the time calls for it.

4. What are the purposes that you fulfill, that give your life meaning? I'm still figuring this one out. I'm a mother and wife, so keeping my family together, healthy, happy, and creating a legacy with them is a purpose of mine. Connecting with people and actually improving their lives is something I seek to do, but I don't know my purpose. My life has meaning if I can simply learn from everything that occurs in my lifetime. 

5. Where are you learning and growing to become a better you each day? How appropriate?! I'm learning in almost every area of my life right now. I've made a conscious effort to be present, to challenge myself in already challenging times, and to read everything I can get my hands on, just so I can get it right, or follow a strong example.

If you were to ask yourself these questions, for the sake of recognizing your level of happiness right now, how would you answer?